If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
