i think my tv is drunk
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
