I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
