fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
