It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
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