If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
