Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
