Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
