umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Randomize
