I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
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