Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
