Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
and you said cock pushups were impossible
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
