it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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