East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
