wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
