I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
