I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
