Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
