there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
