My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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