I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
