how can u be prego again
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
