Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
