Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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