All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Screwed.edu
I think my vagina is haunted
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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