Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
