first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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