Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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