Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
