you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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