Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
