Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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