Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
