dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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