BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
