she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
