and you said cock pushups were impossible
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Your cock deserves a montage
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
