I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
