a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
