Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
