Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
