i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
