no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
