god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
