Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
