i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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