i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
did i walk over a car last night?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
