In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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