I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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