You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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