He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Randomize
