Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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