dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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